We decided to take a break from getting kiddos for about a month. S had some travel planned, and we needed to reconnect and regroup.
We also decided maybe we jumped a little too deep with 2 kiddos at the same time. When we "opened" our home again, we decided to ask for 1 child under the age of 18 months.
After 3 weeks of waiting, we had a baby girl placed with us in early November.
During the 3 week wait, we got several calls for children needing homes. Some were older (like 2-5), and several were sibling groups of 2-4. It was absolutely heartbreaking to have to say no. I cried every single time. I wanted those babies to have a safe, loving home, Ultimately, I had to recognize our limitations. It isn't fair to the children to bring them to our home, and not be able to be the stable, boundary setting parent they need.
So we waited for what seemed like forever to get a child that matched our abilities.
We finally got The Call on a Monday in November.
She is a great baby. Easy going, happy, well fed, well loved.
We have so much empathy for her mom. It is a hard, sad situation. (I can't and wouldn't share details. Not my story to tell.)
We don't know what will happen with her case. For now, we love her, snuggle her, and kiss her face one day at a time.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Our Crazy Foster Care Life- Round 1
I noticed today my last post was in May! WOW, how time flies! We have been super busy with self-employment, S changed job roles, and we have had foster babies!!
Foster Care is quite the roller coaster of emotions. I have waited so long to write about it, because I really needed to sort out and deal with ALL THE FEELINGS!
We waited for a placement (that means when we get a child in our home) all summer. We got our first call in August 2015. Of course we said YES. The call was for exactly what we wanted. 2 brothers ages 3.5 years and 17 months.
Um, we may have overestimated ourselves just a bit.
Going from 0 children to 2 active, traumatized children was quite dramatic for a Tuesday.
We struggled with the Big Guy's behaviors. That kid has been in and out of foster care his entire life. I was his "4th mom." Seriously, he had 4 placements in less than 4 years. It was horrible. He had endured so much abuse, neglect, and change in his little life. He is a very sweet kid. He challenged everything. We had epic meltdowns daily (him and I).
And the Baby. He was very opinionated, but did respect boundaries as much as a 17month old can. He ate EVERYTHING. I swear he ate like 7 meals a day. He sought out food when he was upset, or didn't get his way. I was his "3rd mom."
It was a challenge having those boys, but we loved them the best we could and provided for them. They were with us for 1 month, and were moved to live with a distant relative.
I think it was for the best. We were overwhelmed, and they loved the people they were going to be around at that placement.
Just as suddenly as they came, they were gone.
Foster Care is quite the roller coaster of emotions. I have waited so long to write about it, because I really needed to sort out and deal with ALL THE FEELINGS!
We waited for a placement (that means when we get a child in our home) all summer. We got our first call in August 2015. Of course we said YES. The call was for exactly what we wanted. 2 brothers ages 3.5 years and 17 months.
Um, we may have overestimated ourselves just a bit.
Going from 0 children to 2 active, traumatized children was quite dramatic for a Tuesday.
We struggled with the Big Guy's behaviors. That kid has been in and out of foster care his entire life. I was his "4th mom." Seriously, he had 4 placements in less than 4 years. It was horrible. He had endured so much abuse, neglect, and change in his little life. He is a very sweet kid. He challenged everything. We had epic meltdowns daily (him and I).
And the Baby. He was very opinionated, but did respect boundaries as much as a 17month old can. He ate EVERYTHING. I swear he ate like 7 meals a day. He sought out food when he was upset, or didn't get his way. I was his "3rd mom."
It was a challenge having those boys, but we loved them the best we could and provided for them. They were with us for 1 month, and were moved to live with a distant relative.
I think it was for the best. We were overwhelmed, and they loved the people they were going to be around at that placement.
Just as suddenly as they came, they were gone.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Trust Fall
I feel like I am about to do a Trust Fall. You remember what those are? It like that scene in "Mean Girls" when they are telling their secrets, then one girls climbs up on a platform only to fall backwards onto her classmates, hoping they will catch her.
Yeah, that's me. Except it's my life...... and God, Skie, and the Universe are set up to *hopefully* catch me.
My last day of "employment" is May 28. That's one week. In one week I will be Self-Employed.
That's some scary stuff.
That's exciting stuff. Also, Scary.
My business is going well, I see enough clients right now to make half of my current salary. I just need to double it and no problems!
That seems hard. And achievable. Also, Hard.
I know that I can't rely on self-referred or doctor-referred clients for my full time salary. I need to find some other contract work, or some other solid referral stream.
I am working on it. I have some ideas, and some potential situations that could work out.
Until then though, it's just Trust. And on May 28 I start falling. Hopefully I won't land on my ass.
Yeah, that's me. Except it's my life...... and God, Skie, and the Universe are set up to *hopefully* catch me.
My last day of "employment" is May 28. That's one week. In one week I will be Self-Employed.
That's some scary stuff.
That's exciting stuff. Also, Scary.
My business is going well, I see enough clients right now to make half of my current salary. I just need to double it and no problems!
That seems hard. And achievable. Also, Hard.
I know that I can't rely on self-referred or doctor-referred clients for my full time salary. I need to find some other contract work, or some other solid referral stream.
I am working on it. I have some ideas, and some potential situations that could work out.
Until then though, it's just Trust. And on May 28 I start falling. Hopefully I won't land on my ass.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
3 Years and Counting
Tuesday, April 14 was our 3 year anniversary! It has gone by so fast, and it seems like we have been together forever.
S had the day off work; I did not. He got some big "to-do's" checked off the foster care list. He went to CPR and took Ms. Chica to get her shots. Then, he cooked his famous "Date Dinner" for me (salmon, asparagus, and roasted new potatoes with dill). YUM!!!
Year 3 is Leather, and we try to stay with the traditional gifts each year just because it is fun. He got me a Coach Wristlet, and a Coach tote bag! I was not expecting such extravagance!! He says he got them on sale at the outlet, so it wasn't too expensive.
I ordered his gift on Amazon (new kickball cleats), so of course it wasn't here on time. So in lieu of having his real gift, I got him a bag of beef jerky with his card. ---Get it....it's like food leather......
We enjoyed a nice dinner together, then worked on taxes---sooooo romantic
We finally got them done April 15 at 10:00pm. Nothing like waiting until 2 hours to deadline.....
Have a mentioned S is sort of a procrastinator?? :)
During our anniversary dinner, we also had our annual "DTR" (Define the Relationship). This is something I started a long time ago when I was single and dating. We always did it before we got married, and much to S' chagrin I ask we continue the tradition.
Basically, it is an opportunity for us to "check-in" on our feelings about the marriage. We shared this time about if marriage is meeting our expectations, is it close to what we thought it would be or not.
We both agree we are great partners, and we are really good at compromising so we both get our needs/wants met. We both agree that we do things the other finds annoying, but that there are so many great things it isn't worth getting upset about.
We both talked about how people say marriage is so hard. We are still waiting for that to happen......
Hey- maybe it won't!
Then we talked about our future kiddos, and how being parents might change our marriage. We are both a little nervous about that. And we agreed to make sure we focus on each other when we do get our kids. I just hope we can put it into practice.
I already know what will be our stressors when we have kids. My impatience, and his infinite patience (which sometimes looks like the aforementioned procrastination) and that he doesn't do what I want when I want it. He refuses to let me boss him around! How frustrating! ;)
If he would just do everything I said when I say it everything would be great....Right????
No, no, no. I don't really want that. I have to keep that in check and let him be his own person......I love that outcome, but I have to remind myself that it's better this way!
So here we go. 3 years of marriage, about to have kids for the first time, and we only have
FFFOOORRRREVVEERRRR to go!!!
(Sandlot reference.....we say it almost daily and both wrote it in our cards to each other.)
:)
S had the day off work; I did not. He got some big "to-do's" checked off the foster care list. He went to CPR and took Ms. Chica to get her shots. Then, he cooked his famous "Date Dinner" for me (salmon, asparagus, and roasted new potatoes with dill). YUM!!!
Year 3 is Leather, and we try to stay with the traditional gifts each year just because it is fun. He got me a Coach Wristlet, and a Coach tote bag! I was not expecting such extravagance!! He says he got them on sale at the outlet, so it wasn't too expensive.
I ordered his gift on Amazon (new kickball cleats), so of course it wasn't here on time. So in lieu of having his real gift, I got him a bag of beef jerky with his card. ---Get it....it's like food leather......
We enjoyed a nice dinner together, then worked on taxes---sooooo romantic
We finally got them done April 15 at 10:00pm. Nothing like waiting until 2 hours to deadline.....
Have a mentioned S is sort of a procrastinator?? :)
During our anniversary dinner, we also had our annual "DTR" (Define the Relationship). This is something I started a long time ago when I was single and dating. We always did it before we got married, and much to S' chagrin I ask we continue the tradition.
Basically, it is an opportunity for us to "check-in" on our feelings about the marriage. We shared this time about if marriage is meeting our expectations, is it close to what we thought it would be or not.
We both agree we are great partners, and we are really good at compromising so we both get our needs/wants met. We both agree that we do things the other finds annoying, but that there are so many great things it isn't worth getting upset about.
We both talked about how people say marriage is so hard. We are still waiting for that to happen......
Hey- maybe it won't!
Then we talked about our future kiddos, and how being parents might change our marriage. We are both a little nervous about that. And we agreed to make sure we focus on each other when we do get our kids. I just hope we can put it into practice.
I already know what will be our stressors when we have kids. My impatience, and his infinite patience (which sometimes looks like the aforementioned procrastination) and that he doesn't do what I want when I want it. He refuses to let me boss him around! How frustrating! ;)
If he would just do everything I said when I say it everything would be great....Right????
No, no, no. I don't really want that. I have to keep that in check and let him be his own person......I love that outcome, but I have to remind myself that it's better this way!
So here we go. 3 years of marriage, about to have kids for the first time, and we only have
FFFOOORRRREVVEERRRR to go!!!
(Sandlot reference.....we say it almost daily and both wrote it in our cards to each other.)
:)
Monday, April 13, 2015
Shit just got REAL!
It's surreal that it's real! This is really happening!!
We are just getting some serious basic items we would need for any kiddo from 0-2. I scored some great things (not pictured) used from some facebook groups. Seriously great deals for very gently used or not at all used.
I think we just need cribs, bedding, and car seats and we will be all set.
Those are big items, but we might be able to get my niece's crib, maybe her car seat, and I am meeting someone this week for 1 set of bedding.
And I went to Babies R Us this weekend to decide on car seats, a stroller and a diaper bag. I have made my choices, now I am going to shop around to get the best prices.
Also, I don't think we are going to get a stroller right now. It seems better to wait until we meet our kids and get to know them a little. Also, I don't really want a stroller. I know that seems crazy but I would rather wear them or carry them.
I can see occasions when it would be necessary, but those probably won't happen right away. I hope.....
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Big Feelings
Now that we are closer to meeting our kiddo's I keep thinking about them.
Who they are, what they look like, their personalities, how old they are, and the big one. What are they going through right now that I can't protect them from.
Who they are, what they look like, their personalities, how old they are, and the big one. What are they going through right now that I can't protect them from.
I am wondering if they are already born (we want a baby, so it might not be here yet) what hell are they living through? And I want so bad to just protect them.
I am wondering if they are in their mom's belly, what is happening to them? Is she stressed, abused, using drugs? What are they experiencing now?
It makes me cry just thinking about it. (Also, PMS).
I know I have talked to my adoptive mom friend about this and she went through it too. So I know I'm not the only one. But it is still hard. Wondering, waiting, wanting.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Phase 2
We graduated from Foster/Adopt Training last night! Phase 1 is OVER!
Phase 2 starts today! I just spent over $300 on our baby and all the safety requirements. I love Amazon. It's a problem. But I compared prices and with Prime free shipping on almost everything, it was worth going online.
I really just got some basics, but I really don't know what we are going to need. It's weird because we have so many unknowns. Like, we could get either 1 or 2 kids at one time. The kid(s) could be from Newborn to 2 years old. We have no idea and won't know until about an hour before they arrive.
I got what I think we will need for any of the above: a pack n' play, wipes, shampoo, body wash, hooded towels, swaddle blankets, thermometer, lotion, changing pad, and "lovies." Then a ton of safety stuff. An Oven lock, cabinet locks, medications lock boxes (yes, we have to have 2. Really, we might need 3 but will start with 2), and outlet covers.
I love our home, it is clearly a custom built house. There are cabinets and drawers EVERYWHERE! I love it because of storage space, but hate it for baby-proofing. So many locks..............
We will have to make a Wal-Mart run after we get "The Call" for diapers, food, clothes, etc. Important things that are really age specific.
All we have left to do is get cribs, car seats, and a glider. Big things yes, but that's about all we need for the first day (I think/Hope).
There we just have to get a Fire Inspection ("Call Chuck"), get our fire extinguishers "tagged" (whatever the hell that means), and online training. Then, the home study and we are ready!!!
I am feeling confident we can meet our Mid-May self-imposed deadline and finally meet our babies!
Phase 2 starts today! I just spent over $300 on our baby and all the safety requirements. I love Amazon. It's a problem. But I compared prices and with Prime free shipping on almost everything, it was worth going online.
I really just got some basics, but I really don't know what we are going to need. It's weird because we have so many unknowns. Like, we could get either 1 or 2 kids at one time. The kid(s) could be from Newborn to 2 years old. We have no idea and won't know until about an hour before they arrive.
I got what I think we will need for any of the above: a pack n' play, wipes, shampoo, body wash, hooded towels, swaddle blankets, thermometer, lotion, changing pad, and "lovies." Then a ton of safety stuff. An Oven lock, cabinet locks, medications lock boxes (yes, we have to have 2. Really, we might need 3 but will start with 2), and outlet covers.
I love our home, it is clearly a custom built house. There are cabinets and drawers EVERYWHERE! I love it because of storage space, but hate it for baby-proofing. So many locks..............
We will have to make a Wal-Mart run after we get "The Call" for diapers, food, clothes, etc. Important things that are really age specific.
All we have left to do is get cribs, car seats, and a glider. Big things yes, but that's about all we need for the first day (I think/Hope).
There we just have to get a Fire Inspection ("Call Chuck"), get our fire extinguishers "tagged" (whatever the hell that means), and online training. Then, the home study and we are ready!!!
I am feeling confident we can meet our Mid-May self-imposed deadline and finally meet our babies!
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