Coping

There are good days and bad days. I am trying to work through all the disappointment of having 2 embryos in the right place at the right time and then nothing. It just blows my mind.

They say that happens; there is only a 50% chance IVF will work. But come on! I am young, healthy, and there were 2! I just don't understand.

I have been feeling really emotional lately, as in just having a lot of emotions all the time. I am either sad and bawling or angry or at peace. It is weird. I must still be going through hormone detox because I am all over the map.

I don't think I have ever cried this much in a week. TV made me cry, Christmas made me cry, I cried at World Market, HEB, A-Town, while getting a massage, with friends, alone, while driving, etc. I have just been crying all over the place.

I woke up Saturday crying. I had a really horrible dream that I still remember all of the details.

The dream started in the hospital. I was one of several obviously very pregnant women with their families. Everyone else went into labor, delivered their baby, and went home. I was the only one left in the room (it was a group labor and delivery situation, which was weird). The nurse kept saying "you aren't ready yet, you aren't ready." Then, she checked me and said "Oh wait, you aren't pregnant at all, you have to leave." Just kicked me out.

It doesn't sound that sad written down, but it was- trust me!

So pretty much I spent Saturday crying about various things, feeling overwhelmed with basically everything, and Christmas shopping. Not my best day.

But I had an awesome time Sunday hanging with some girls, and then a massage so a much better day Sunday!

And, today is Monday at 4:30pm I haven't cried yet. So things are improving.