IVF Fail

It did not work. I am not pregnant.

I have had the most devastating 24 hours. I have gone through most of the stages of grief I think, having settled on acceptance for the moment. I hope it lasts for awhile at least.

I really felt that it was going to work. I knew the odds, about 50%, but I just thought we would catch a break this time. It seems we have more than our fair share of heartache, so I just thought.......

That's what happens when I get just a little too optimistic. I still don't understand why. Why us? What did we do wrong? I know the answer, Nothing. We did nothing wrong. It just happens sometimes.

I know that mentally but my heart doesn't understand. I don't know that it ever will.

The doctor called today and helped me feel a little better. He was saying that we don't know if the 2 embryos we transferred ever grew at all, they might have been at the end of their life before they went it. There is no way to know if they grew at all.

We had 5 fertilize, 2 transferred, 2 didn't make it past day 3, so we have 1 left in the freezer.

We know he is strong, because it made it to day 6 before the freeze, growing and strong.

The doctor says that is a good sign. It could mean the frozen one is our best shot. And as he gently reminded me, we only need 1. It would be nice to have a couple more in the freezer, but we just have 1.

1 more shot.

Then we have other options. We aren't sure what to do after the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).

But we have options: IVF again, IUI, Adoption. All have significant pros and cons. Which we will cross when we get there.......

This weekend: I will be drinking alcohol, caffeine, and eating chocolate in ridiculous amounts

This week: Detox.

Then, eating the rainbow, no drinking alcohol or caffeine until the FET in early January.

I just looked at the calendar, and it really isn't that far away until we try again. Estimated CD1 is Jan 1-4.

Thanks for all the prayers, support, and love the past months. We still need lots of prayers and support the next few months!!