BFN

Big Fucking Negative.

I found out March 9 and I just didn't even want to write it down. To make it real. But it has been over a week and I am adjusting to the news. I should say we, because it has been really tough for S too. It's a weird feeling, well all of this fertility stuff is weird.

It is just weird to analyze every twitch and pang for ten days, then find out it was all in my head. Every single feeling my body had was thought about, put into context of it working, assigned a "cause" and talked about.

And now, nothing. It was all for nothing. It just didn't work.

Tomorrow I hope to find out more about the why.

But I know what the answer will be, "we don't know." Because as it turns out medical doctors don't know everything. In fact, many times it appears they are just guessing. Educated guessing but still just guessing.

Especially about fertility. They don't know shit! They just throw a bunch of shit against the wall and see what sticks.

I am considering changing doctors. There are so many pros and cons to this, which I feel is a really big decision. The doctor and lab make HUGE differences in IVF treatments.

It is such a delicate and uncertain process having a good doctor and legit lab are mission critical, I feel like more than other types of procedures.

Pros of New Doctor M: fresh set of eyes on the case, different approach, different med protocols that potentially would work better for me, hopefully not have to wait 30 minutes for a damn appointment!

Cons of New Doctor M: Dr. V already knows my V. (LOL) but seriously he knows how I have been responding to the meds, and could make appropriate changes that will help, he has been doing IVF for a long time and it sort of a badass at it. His stats are better than most. And having to start all over since the new dr. will likely want more tests, scans, and probing of my body.

I will make a decision after meeting with Dr. V tomorrow for the consultation. I am open to suggestions about switching doctors or not.

We are going to do another IVF round. We are going to wait until June.

We both need a mental and emotional break, and I need a physical break! I have gotten so fat and lazy! I of course blame the medications. Obvi.

Oh and we bought a new house! WHAT?! That is awesome!! We will be moving in a month since we sold our house BEFORE it was on the market!

I need to remember the house situation when I am lamenting how hard everything is for us. It really isn't I just use that during my pity parties.

So to recap-
1. My uterus is a stubborn bitch!
2. Moving. Boo and YAH!
3. New awesome house in a new town!
4. Taking Breaks!