Funny Story

It's been a hilarious, sad, hormonal, and stressful week! Oh wait, it's only Wednesday.
Only halfway through the week. Yikes.

Walgreen's had an important lesson for me this morning at 8 am. I go to get a flu shot before work. (Aside: I hate the flu shot but with the medications I am going to be on next month and the potential for a possibility of maybe being newly pregnant during flu season- I went for it.)

Anyways- I am walking into Walgreens from the rain, going down the lotion aisle just to see if my stuff is on sale, I fell. Just like that- walking, walking, walking, BAM, feet out from under me. Flat ass on the ground, making extra sure I grabbed the nearest display to take down with me.

It was pretty funny, I started cracking up/almost crying, just sitting there until a woman came over to help me up. I can't believe that shit happened. Seriously, I ate it. Hard. My shoulder has a bruise where I hit the display.

It turns out, the little rubber things on the heels of boots are important. I wore last year's boots for the first time today and sometime during the summer when no one touched them the little rubber piece went AWOL. It's just missing.

Lesson Learned: Check your winter shoes for the little rubber piece on the heel. It's important.

Pineapple and IVF

I was telling some friends about the upcoming cycle, and the crazy things people do to try and boost the odds. Just so you all know: I am participating in all of the crazy ideas.

Because why the hell not? What do I have to lose? Absolutely Nothing.

None of the things I am going to do hurt my odds, I have checked with my doctor and IVF nurse, so commence the pineapple core eating!

Supposedly if you eat 1/5th of the core of a pineapple for the first 5 days after transfer it boosts success. this is because of Bromelain, which is an anti-inflammatory agent. There is some correlated research, which is def. not the same as causal, but still I will take it!

Check this out, it's from an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility:

Pineapple for Embryo Implantation & IVF Success

Posted on May 30, 2013 by admin

Have you ever heard of eating pineapple to aid embryo implantation? After doing some medical super sleuthing, Dr. Elise Schroeder has come up with a few logical and plausible ideas as to what pineapple’s got that might aid in conception.

If you are reading fertility blogs or talking with other women going through IVF, you have probably heard of the pineapple trick. The idea is to eat a whole pineapple, including the core, before and after the day of implantation. OK, sounds good, and couldn’t really hurt, but as usual I am asking the questions:

“What’s the mechanism?” and “How does that work?”

After doing some medical super sleuthing, I have come up with a few logical and plausible ideas as to what pineapple’s got that might aid in conception.
The main nutrient in pineapple that might be contributing to this affect is bromelain. Bromleain is an enzyme, meaning it help reactions take place in the body. When taken with food bromelain helps us break down or digest our foods. When taken on an empty stomach bromelain has some other actions on the body:
It acts as a blood thinner and anticoagulant.
Like aspirin, bromelain can increase blood flow to the uterus via its action as a blood thinner and anticoagulant. It is also thought that using a blood thinner like aspirin can help in women who have had repeat miscarriages, especially if they are also positive for phospholipid antibodies.
Bromelain acts as an anti-inflammatory agent
Conception and implantation requires an intricate shift in the immune system. Specifically a shift from TH1 immune cells to TH2. Another way of saying that is that conception requires an anti inflammatory shift. It is possible that bromelain helps with this shift which allows implantation to occur. If you’re a little nerdy like me and want to see a study that looks at bromelain and immune cells, check out this abstract.

So there, it's happening. Along with acupuncture the day of retrieval and transfer, massage just before retrieval, seeing a funny movie after transfer, eating sweet potatoes, and standing on my head every day.

Just kidding about the last one, but I am doing everything else!

:)

IVF Schedule

If I could figure out how to post a calendar I would, but I don't know and I didn't even try. So whatev.

But for those interested in my SUPER FUN TIME NOVEMBER (and times to avoid me) here goes:

Oct. 31: Sonogram and Injection Teaching

Nov. 1- First injection of Lupron

Nov. 1-10: Lupron Shots Daily

Nov. 10-20ish: Lupron and Folistem Shots Daily

and

Nov 10-20: Bloodwork and Sonogram every 2-3 days, before 8 am (AKA EARLY)

Nov. 20-23ish: Trigger Shot of Really Painful Medication

Nov. 22-24ish: Oocyte Retrieval (For the layperson: day surgery to take my eggs out)

and Start Gel stuff that rumor says is very uncomfortable

Nov. 24-28th ish: 3 or 5 days after Retrieval- Embryo Transfer

Nov. 26: My Birthday

Nov. 28: Thanksgiving (Yes. they are open on Thanksgiving to do my Transfer if necessary)

Nov. 24-Dec. 3rd ish: 2 Shots Daily, and 1-2 Other Pills

Dec. 5-10ish: Pregnancy Test


I got the list of medications to be expecting in the mail this week. It lists 11 medications. 11. Yikes. Pictures will be posted of that mess.

Please note all the medications come with side effects lists that state: "Could cause crazy ragey times, and/or crazy hysterical crying."*


 *not a direct quote"

SUPER FUN TIME NOVEMBER!

I got my IVF schedule today!!


I was not expecting it until much later in the week, so it was a happy Monday surprise!

The IVF nurse was nice today, but I still don't like her.

I will get my first sonogram on Thursday, October 31at 8:30 am. It is just to have a baseline and make sure I don't have any cysts. Then, my first injections start on November 1!!!

WOW! November 1. That is so soon. It is also the weekend of my friend's wedding but luckily S and I are off work that day so he can help me with the first shot. They all have to be done in the morning, so I should be nice and sore when I get to work. That will be really fun.

Basically it looks like I have daily shots, a sonogram and blood work every 2-3 days in the middle of the month, then the retrieval, then transfer, then hopefully positive pregnancy test.

Sounds easy right?! Right????

No-

I am terrified of the shots, mostly because I read too many blogs. I love the blogs, but I keep hearing how painful the shots are. I keep reminding myself it's mind over matter and I have a very high pain tolerance. (Not sure if that is actually true or I just convince myself of that- whatever it works)

The shots can also make you cray. I am already too good at that. The craziest of the crazy pills happens to be right around the day I take my first few shots. I think they do that on purpose just to make sure your marriage can handle the crazy. Here's hoping.....

S has been warned not to engage the crazy person that inhabits my body around that time.

Theoretically, if everything goes exactly perfect and the stars are completely aligned I might, possibly have a positive pregnancy test by the first week in December.

Sounds so far away and yet so soon! It's a weird feeling. And what a great holiday present for us. I obviously can't tell anyone until 12 weeks so I hope all my readers (the 2 of you) can handle the suspense.

12 weeks is a long time.......I have a BIG mouth. The odds of me making it that long with such a big secret is nill. I will shoot for Christmas.

I have read some blogs though that shared early, then miscarried and said how unbelievably hard it was that people knew.

I don't know yet what the best course is for us. Only time will tell. And hey I have a 40% chance of not having to deal with that. I am back to being a pessimist.

I also talked to my person with the insurance company. She had only good news on the financial front! But who knows until we actually get the bills in.

Yes, we have a person. They assigned us a case manager recently to discuss fertility coverage. Now, when I have questions I have a person to call. I don't have to press 1 or wait or anything. That's pretty cool. S has great, no amazing, insurance through his job. Even the doctor's office said this is the best insurance coverage they see.

So we have that going for us.

 

Home Sweet Home

This weekend was my dad's 60th Birthday Party! I had a great time hanging out with friends and family! I got to spend a lot of time with my niece playing "tea party" and getting the stickers out of her new book. She kept saying "tricky stickers" when I tried to get them out of the book. I guess they were a little "tricky."

Honestly, it was a bit weird being around everybody and not drinking. I can't drink, smoke, or have caffeine while preparing for IVF (and during, and after for that matter). I got a very different perspective than I usually do. Very interesting........

I did enjoy not being hungover Sunday morning, and still had a blast! I win. (Finally, I get to win something!)

My Nanny is in the hospital. She is 95, and has been in about 10 days now. That is a long time to be in the same room, in the same bed, without being able to get up. I got to spend several hours with her so I am grateful for that.

She is so "with it" still it amazes me. She was asking about S, our jobs, telling me about my other cousins, and really holding conversation well. She was complaining Saturday about not being able to go to Dad's b-day party, and felt really lonely since the family was there and not with her Saturday night.

I am very grateful she is still around, and especially she made it through the weekend.

My dad's dad died on the day of his 26th birthday party. It was a week before his actual birthday and they were having chili which is exactly what was going on this weekend. Weird timing.

But history did not repeat itself.

Her sister (who is 86) came up from Sequin Sunday too so I know that brightened her day. At one point, there were 9 people in her little hospital room and she grabbed my hand, squeezed, and said "I am so happy right now. I'm so happy everyone is here." and she had the biggest grin on her face.

Such a wonderful moment.

Reminiscing

I was thinking today about how CD 1's have changed over the years. And as I was typing realized how that might sound weird to a normal person that has not gone through the infertility diagnosis. Oh well, I am running with it.................

See when I "started" in college it was a celebration. Right after the "oh shit" moments when it's a day or two late, the phone call to Boyfriend Du Jour where we both sigh, and feel relief.

The first month off the pill was unpredictable, so it was good when Aunt Flow finally showed up. I knew things were working, and we could get down to business.

The first few months of tying AF would arrive on time, as expected. No biggie. We really didn't want to be successful until after a friend's wedding, or until after Thanksgiving. It's ok. No biggie. We will try something different next month.

I got the book, read the book. Got the app, used the app. Got to know my body, my rhythms. Checked mucus and positioning every day. Peed on sticks, and still she came; again and again.

It got really old after a while.

Then, we got scared. And sad. We felt like we were doing it wrong. Like if we only understood better, or timed differently, or ate more sweet potatoes, it would happen for us too. Just like they said it would.

So we relaxed, took a nice trip out of town, didn't stress about it, didn't really try (while continuing to try), ate tons of fruits and veggies, did a fertility prepping cleanse, detox'd, ate like shit, got massage, got acupuncture, ate like crap, and drank too much. We tried everything, and the let down on CD1 was hard. I would just look at S, see the look of sadness, and cry. Then resolve to try harder the next month.

Then we got "the" diagnosis. Infertile. Such relief and grief in that moment. It made sense why all those things didn't work. It wasn't us doing it wrong. We did everything right. We couldn't have done anything more perfectly to land where we were. We are ok, and now we have a plan.

Give me a plan, and I am good. I like control that way. I didn't have to be sad when AF came to town. It was just how we are made. It's not my fault. It's no one's fault and that's a relief.

Since July 2013, tears do not greet Aunt Flow. We know it's in the doctor's hands now. And we will know the exact moment of conception.

Which is cool, especially for those of us who like control that way.

 

CD 1

It's my least favorite of all the CD's. (That's Cycle day for the layperson) I am hoping this is one of the few CD1's for the next 10 months or so.

I start Crazy Pills on Wednesday. Wish us luck. Everyone in a 10 mile radius of me needs it.

I did consult with a therapist friend on how to manage the hormone rages a little better. It would be easier if I woke up pissed off and stayed that way, but it's like waves. I am ok, then ragey, then ok, then depressed, then ok, then fill in crazy huge emotion, then ok, and on and on and on.

My friend suggested a "Self-Soothe box" combined with post-it notes strategically placed around the house. I like this idea. It takes my postcard idea to the next level.

So here's the plan: this week I am gathering my favorite things that appeal to all my senses: Making a playlist, to put next to a favorite candle, next to my yoga mat, next to my favorite comfy pants, next to my favorite tea, in the office where I will have my space. Then, I will write notes to myself to remind me to walk away from picking on the man who is awesome. I will write trigger phrases like "He is your husband, he is being supportive and loving. Go to your room" and "It's ok, it's the pills making you cry uncontrollably. Go to your room."

I have high hopes this will work. We both need it to work as the crazy pills are just the beginning. The Crazy SHOTS are coming soon!

Here's to me keeping it together this month!

Recovering and Preparing

We are preparing for the crazy train I will be courtesy of the birth control pills. My train will depart around Friday, and will come full circle by the beginning of November. Super. I am a raging cray cray b- in various forms for a solid 5 days. It's super really, you should get a ticket to watch. I already apologized in advance to S, and plan to write a notecard to reference in my crazy (more on that later).

See what happened was, last time I was on the pill (in August for the IVF cycle that was planned and ripped away from us) was a bit rough. Some examples......

My boss had to send me home from work becuase I was uncontrolllably sobbing. Not crying. Crying jumped off crazy train waaayyyy before this. I was sobbing. At Work. New job. Less than a month in. Yup, I was that girl. It was super embarrassing. I could not stop crying. I cried for about 2 hours. And that isn't even the worst thing that happened.

My thoughts were so out of whack I don't even know where to start explaining it. I cried myself to sleep for a week. A Week Solid.

One night, I was convinced S and I shouldn't have kids because we would be terrible parents becuase if we were "meant" to have kids we would be able to naturally. I tried to discuss this in a (what I thought was) totally rational way with my husband. Then, proceeded to get all ragey at him for saying I was talking crazy. What?! I don't even know what that means!!!

There were several incidents where I attempted to have these so-called "rational" conversations with him that were in fact completely nutso, he attempted (very very nicely I must add) that I was in fact in Crazy Town, and I LOST. MY. SHIT. Compeltely lost it. Like thinking we should break up kind of lost it. Yes that happened. I thought my husband was being mean to me, not being supportive, and rejecting me compeltely because he didn't want to take a vacation to Crazy Town.

I am so not looking forward to that again.
So back to the notecard. I plan to write down some of the awesome things about my husband, remind myself he is an awesome husband, and tell myself to keep it together because I am the crazy one. Let's hope it works, my trips to Crazy Town are tough on the marriage.