The Eagle has Landed

Transfer was a success yesterday! The doctor ended up recommending we put in 2 little embabies since neither was a super-duper star, they were just really good looking guys.

It was an easy procedure, no pain or cramping or anything. Which was nice. I have had a lot of pain, cramping, uncomfy-ness this month. I needed a win.

S got to be in the room with me and held my hand the whole time. I also made him talk to them during the 20 minutes I had to lay flat on my back without moving. It was really sweet.

Yesterday also was my birthday, the big 3-1. I can not think of a better birthday present than to get my "maybe babies!"

S writes the best cards, which always make me cry, and gives great presents. This year, along with some organic soaps, and a massage, he got me a cute little onsie that says Austin City Limits. And that of course made the waterworks start up again. It was really sweet.

I need some practice at "taking it easy." I have a hard time with that. The nurse told me I am an egg carton holding and protecting my egg. So I have to keep that in mind before I lift things or do anything. She says when she had IVF her standard was "If this doesn't work, am I going to blame the fact that I did ____ or that I lifted ____ or that I went to _____."

So I just have to remember the house can be dirty, the dishes can wait, and I need to sit my ass on the couch already!

I will work harder on that! At least I have Christmas presents I can buy :)

And I try to buy local presents, but I think this year will be mostly online shopping due to the "taking it easy thing," I can make up for it in the future!

Five

5 pounds gained since yesterday
5 eggs fertilized
and 5 .....well that is all I've got.....but that's enough right? :)

Anyways it is true that I have gained about 5 pounds since yesterday making me look very fat at work today but hey I made it to work despite the intense stomach cramps. tomorrow is the big transfer, aka "planting of the eggs."

We hope to have 1-2 to implant tomorrow so we don't know nything until tomorrow and its hard not to worry and think about it. We have been going back and forth about putting in 1 or 2, and we have decided. Drum rolll.......we are letting the doctor decide. We really are scared of twins but open to it. And it's important this works since we won't be able to do it again for awhile. Got to build up the financial reserves.

Tomorrow is also the big 31 birthday. I like having birthday's,  and had a good celebration woth the coworkers today. 2 hour lunch- yes please!

They are really so thoughtful one coworker told me when we were walking out to watch "look whos talking " tomorrow.  What a great idea!!

I also talked with a friend about fertility stuff today.  It is so wonderful to tell others how it feels and commiserate on the crazy things we do! I'm not the only one !

Sloshing

I currently slosh when I walk. I think other people don't notice, but  I can feel those follicles moving around in there. I learned this morning not to walk too fast, or the sloshing gets out of control.


The retrieval should be on Saturday! Very exciting news, and also it's causing me some anxiety.

I was really on edge and emotional yesterday even before I went to the doctor, and I don't know why. I guess it is just the hormones, but i cried like 5 times. I even cried when talking to the doctor. Why? Seemingly no reason. Which is apparently my favorite time to cry these days.

He seemed a little startled I just started crying when we were talking about the "taking of the eggs" being on Saturday. I have been having a little anxiety about it happening. It feels weird that is is really here, and happening already. I have been trying to only focus on the step I am on in the moment, which has been good and grounding. But.....now that it is retrieval time I feel unprepared, like it snuck up on me.

I don't really need to be prepared for anything, but it is "go time" on if this is going to work or not. Before it was always, "we will worry about that when it gets here" type thinking and now I'm all- um, it's here. I should probably start thinking about all this now. Again, nothing to really decide or think about. My brain just wants there to be something. Hence the anxious feelings.

I am excited that if we do a 3-day transfer as planned, it will be on my birthday. All I wanted for my birthday was to be pregnant. Not that I will be that day, but it is the biggest step towards that goal. :)

I was debating if I could clean the house Friday, I am thinking to give it a shot but taking it Very Slow. Moving fast is bad.

Let's hope I can get at least something done on Friday, since I will be home alone all weekend. And being home not feeling good and staring at a dirty house is not where I want to be. I want to be alone, watching TV with a clean house all around me.

we are accepting any extra karma points, prayer, universe energy, etc. Whatever you believe in that is good, send it our way!!!!!

It is go time.

Up Next......Retrieval

I went to the doctor Saturday morning for an update on my numbers. They were GOOD! YAH! We are right on track, which after the Wednesday appointment was not looking good. Wednesday my numbers were pretty low, so he upped the dose of Follistem and apparently it worked.

They told me I will go in for the "taking of the eggs" on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. I guess that is a little later than anticipated but not enough to be concerned at all. Then, the transfer or "insertion of the embaby" will be 3 or 5 days after that. And then, 2 weeks after that I could potentially be sorta pregnant! YAH!

I will not say I am pregnant until the embaby has been attached for awhile. I don't know when that will be but I have to emotionally stay out of the "pregnancy zone" until it is for sure. The fall from that will be too much. Defense Mechanism Enabled.

I have been feeling super weird since Thursday, which is a good thing actually even though it is uncomfortable.

I can feel my ovaries moving around inside, full of follicles. That wold be like all of the sudden feeling your kidneys floating around your body. Weird.

A couple of times, I could almost feel it through my skin. Extra weird.

I also feel super full and my belly looks like I am a couple months into being pregnant. It's hard, and swollen. And a really fun symptom has been the ability (?) to taste everything I smell.

Doesn't sound that bad, but wow it Sucks. I got my hair cut Saturday, and I could taste the hair, every product, everyone's perfume, hair, and hair spray all day long. The hairdresser thought it was cute, and kept feeding me mints.

I brushed my teeth twice after that, and I still tasted it. Then, at the bar (no I wasn't drinking) Saturday night I randomly smelled hot dogs. And I thought it was Skie that smelled like hot dog. At least that was real since a fried smelled it too.

Some of the smells I taste aren't real, I can't "smell" it, I just for real taste it. I don't know what that even means.

So, long story short is: Retrieval coming up soon!!!!

Loooonnnnggggg Weekend

Happy Veteran's Day (one day late)! I am happy we have a day to remember and celebrate the sacrifices others have made to this country. We have a lot to be proud of.

But more about me- that is why we are all here right?

I got a 4 day weekend. Amazing. I usually have 3 day weekends, since I work my ass off for 4 days so it was a nice extra day to my already extra day. My coworkers say they got used to having the 3 days off, but for me only 3 months in, it still feels special.

We had some serious ups and downs over the weekend-

First, on Friday I "got fired" from my one and only private practice client. Which means I technically have no clients, which technically means I don't have a private practice except that I reject that idea. So for right now I am "going through a slow period" in my practice. It's all about the lemonade.

I knew it was coming due to insurance shenanigans, and with all of the IVF stuff going on right now it is for the best to not have a Friday client. No Big Deal.

I did go to the doctor Friday for a "mock Transfer." He basically preformed the transfer but without an embaby- just as it sounds. It was pretty painful. Not stoked about doing it again in 2 weeks.

But I get to do it again in 2 weeks!!!!!!! That means I could have a baby inside me in 2 weeks! AMAZING!!!

Sunday we got to see the supercollision of the "time of the month" hormones and the fertility drug hormones. It was a spectacular fireworks show which included yelling, nagging, hysterical crying, blaming, "always-ing," guilting, and a dash of martyrdom. It was colorful to say the least.

Luckily I ran the gamut of emotions in about an hour, and then I was fine. Seriously, I was fine and went on with that day. WTH?! I was on a rollercoaster of emotion, and just got off. Done.

Pretty freaky stuff. And I have an awesome husband. He really didn't get upset or engage with my yelling much. There was one point he did, but didn't last long. Then while I was sobbing and apologizing for being so mean he was like "it's cool, just the hormones. I love you for doing all the IVF stuff." WHAT?! Seriously. He is cool as a cucumber.

While I am bragging about the S, he is also being really encouraging and supportive about my "faux-preggo diet."

I really need to be eating as if I am pregnant to prepare my body, and give the drugs the best shot at working. I have been off daily caffeine and alcohol for a couple of weeks, and now that the detox is over I need to "eat the rainbow."

We went to the HEB together yesterday, which is a rare treat and really fun. We also made a meal plan which has happened exactly never in our relationship. (This may have been part of the yelling, it's so hard to remember everything I was mad about)

We got a ton of veggies in all the colors, with a specific day and meal to eat them. And some for juicing/smoothies.

I am pretty excited about "having to" juice and make smoothies because I love them but lack the motivation to make them most of the time.


Pomegranates are in season, and we ate half of it last night for dessert. Neither of us has ever done the whole peeling, de-seeding without guidance we managed and it was delicious!

AND

I juiced this morning before work. BAM! Nailing it.

Suckvember Has Begun

We knew November was going to be a tough month, and so far it hasn't disappointed. My grandmother/Nanny died on Nov. 1.

I got the call from my dad early in the morning when I was getting ready to do some wedding prep with a close friend. I didn't want to be Debby Downer, so I stuffed those feelings down. Good thing I have lots of practice with that. :)

The wedding was amazing though!

It was a good distraction from thinking about Nanny.

Tuesday was the funeral, it was surprisingly very difficult. For a 95 year old woman, there were a lot of people there. I hope when I am 95 I have that much family and friends around!

The saddest part was seeing her 2 sisters be so incredibly sad. The best part was seeing lots of family we don't see often and that her bowling buddies came!

She was a HUGE bowler. It was something she did the majority of her life, and they even went to Washington, D.C. on some sort of bowling trip I never knew the details about. I wonder if it was a tournament, or just for funsies or what? (If anyone reading knows, please comment)

The good news is the IVF shot I am on right now (Lupron) is no big deal. Seriously, it's a tiny needle, like a diabetes-type needle. And it takes me about 30 seconds to prep and administer the shot. NBD.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow (Friday) for a sonogram and further instructions. I start another shot on Sunday I think. It is Follistem, which I will take until the retrieval.

This medication can potentially have some icky side effects, and I can't exercise on it. (Too bad since I have been working out like never!- Now I have a good "reason" not to)

I was looking at the calendar today, and it seems so soon we will be doing the transfer! I am so excited I want it to be here already!!!!!!!!