Recovering and Preparing

We are preparing for the crazy train I will be courtesy of the birth control pills. My train will depart around Friday, and will come full circle by the beginning of November. Super. I am a raging cray cray b- in various forms for a solid 5 days. It's super really, you should get a ticket to watch. I already apologized in advance to S, and plan to write a notecard to reference in my crazy (more on that later).

See what happened was, last time I was on the pill (in August for the IVF cycle that was planned and ripped away from us) was a bit rough. Some examples......

My boss had to send me home from work becuase I was uncontrolllably sobbing. Not crying. Crying jumped off crazy train waaayyyy before this. I was sobbing. At Work. New job. Less than a month in. Yup, I was that girl. It was super embarrassing. I could not stop crying. I cried for about 2 hours. And that isn't even the worst thing that happened.

My thoughts were so out of whack I don't even know where to start explaining it. I cried myself to sleep for a week. A Week Solid.

One night, I was convinced S and I shouldn't have kids because we would be terrible parents becuase if we were "meant" to have kids we would be able to naturally. I tried to discuss this in a (what I thought was) totally rational way with my husband. Then, proceeded to get all ragey at him for saying I was talking crazy. What?! I don't even know what that means!!!

There were several incidents where I attempted to have these so-called "rational" conversations with him that were in fact completely nutso, he attempted (very very nicely I must add) that I was in fact in Crazy Town, and I LOST. MY. SHIT. Compeltely lost it. Like thinking we should break up kind of lost it. Yes that happened. I thought my husband was being mean to me, not being supportive, and rejecting me compeltely because he didn't want to take a vacation to Crazy Town.

I am so not looking forward to that again.
So back to the notecard. I plan to write down some of the awesome things about my husband, remind myself he is an awesome husband, and tell myself to keep it together because I am the crazy one. Let's hope it works, my trips to Crazy Town are tough on the marriage.